


You're all I have

by whitewolfbbbarnes



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Hux actually hasn't done anything wrong for once, Kylo is a dick, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, benarmie, kylocentric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-03-23 02:07:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13777422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitewolfbbbarnes/pseuds/whitewolfbbbarnes
Summary: Band!AuHux and Kylo have recently broken up, and they're trying all they can to keep the band together.Spoiler: It's not working.





	1. 1

**Is Kylux over? What does this mean for the future of The Knights of Ren?**

A statement has been released that the rumours are in fact true, everyone's favourite couple Kylo Ren (Nee Ben Solo) and Armitage Hux are no longer an item. The rumours started after the couple apparently had a row in the middle of Poe Dameron’s launch party for his new album “New resistance".

 

A source close to the band today confirmed, "Ren and Hux are no longer seeing each other. They have said this won't, however, affect their music."

Although, as we've seen on Twitter the two are definitely harbouring some bad feelings with  these sub tweets:

@korkyloren  "When you just try to show someone you care and they throw it back in your face"

@a_huxofficial "You're not the same person you were when we were 17”

 

Although, with no _band_ breakup on the horizon, Ren and Hux along with band mates Phasma and Mitaka will be back in the studio soon to start work on their new album after the end of their European tour. Fingers crossed.

 

*

 

"No. I don't want to room with him." Kylo snapped at Phasma. They were waiting for the last of the equipment to be loaded out.

"It's just that you guys have always room together..." Phasma turned to look at Mitaka for backup, who proceeded to make a fake gun out of his fingers and motioned blowing his brains out.

Hux sighed, lifting his glasses to rub his tired eyes, "I'm standing right here you know."

Kylo sighed, huffily and impatiently, still ignoring Hux.

 

“Can you guys please stop fighting for a second?” Mitaka pleaded sounding tired.

“You two are both grown men who should be able to be in each other’s presence without fighting, act like it”, Phasma continued, grabbing her bag she and walking fast paced toward the venue exit.

 

Kylo instantly followed Phasma, eager to get away from the situation as quickly as possible. He walked past Hux as if he was nothing more than air and Hux just sighed. He and Mitaka had come a bit behind the other’s, due them not being as stressed to get to the car. The security at the venue had arranged for them to be leaving immediately to avoid the press.

 

“Just share a room with me” Mitaka suggested, elbowing Hux's side gently, hoping to help his friend out a little. “Wouldn’t surprise me if Kylo comes home piss drunk at 4am tonight; I know would prefer not to be awoken by that.”

Hux nodded at him tiredly. “Thank you” he said and gave him a faint smile, a small reassurance that he was okay.

 

“Guys, hurry up, we don’t have all day!” Phasma shouted from where she was standing. She was impatiently tapping her foot on the pavement and the displeased expression on her face easily matched her crossed arms.

Kylo who was standing next to her, on the other hand, showed no hint of emotions whatsoever. He was mindlessly smoking a cigarette and observing the parking lot they were standing in. Kylo had tightened his black leather jacket around himself, visibly shuddering due the crisp winter air making him cold. The chilly air was biting his cheeks, that had begun turning red. Hux was fascinated with how different and unfamiliar this version of Kylo felt, it was almost as if he were a stranger.

 

Mitaka and Hux hurried to the car, eager to get to the hotel and get some sleep. Once their baggage had been thrown into the trunk they both took the first available seat in the car. Hux took the window seat, pulling out his earphones and putting them in, hoping to get some sleep on the way to the hotel.

“I’m going out tonight.” a cold voice announced from besides Hux, before he could start playing music. Looking at his side he noticed Kylo sitting in the seat beside him. He was practically leaning on Mitaka on his other side in order to be as far away as physically possible from Hux.

 

_That’s not exactly news_ Hux thought. Kylo was out practically every other night, and it was more common for him to be drunk than not. By then, Kylo had most likely become a regular at every nightclub in any country they ever stayed in. He had been crowned ‘the bad boy of the year’ several times (mainly by various teen magazines that Hux had no time or patience for) and he didn’t seem too set on changing that to be anything near opposite in the future. Every day you could find articles in every gossip tabloid about Kylo leaving nightclubs, smashed and with a pretty blonde on his arm. Usually a cigarette between his lips, too, or something worse.

Hux eyes were set on the dark road on his right side, the crisp snowflakes peacefully descending to the wet and slushy road. He was only wearing a thin jacket since they were in continuing their European tour, coming directly from Spain, where the heat lingered for a while longer, but the air outside was so cold that it turned his breath to thick steam. But somehow, he thought, leaving the car might be a more comfortable situation than the one he was in.

 

Finally, they had arrived at the hotel they were staying at in Brussels, the final night of their tour in Europe before heading to the UK, Hux’s home turf, to record their next album. It was the last night on their tour, and no one in the band could be more thankful. Kylo and Hux had broken up mere weeks prior to the tour, and the negative energy between them had spread on to the other members of the band during the two months of them travelling the world together.

The hotel was no different to the other hotels they had been living at the past months. The whole place was pristine clean with shiny marble adorning the floors. The walls were usually painted in a light beige colour, with gold details on baseboards to make it all look as expensive as possible. As usual there was also an AC blowing cold air directly at them, making their eyes tear up due the hard air pressure.

 

Once they had been checked in and given the keys to their respective rooms, Kylo did not try to hide that he wanted to get away from the rest of the band as soon as possible. Immediately after being handed his key card he left the reception, without as much as a thank you, and took the lift to his suite.

He threw his already damaged suitcase in to the nearest corner. Kylo didn’t have much time to reflect on the room, but quickly noticed it looked the usual. White walls framed the dark grey carpet, and in the middle of the room a queen-sized bed with a dark wooden bed frame. There was also a desk with a TV above it opposite to the bed, and Kylo instantly knew that he wouldn’t have any time to use it.

Seeing as the clock was already late, and he wanted to down a glass of Vodka and forget everything, namely responsibilities, and blue eyes for a night as quickly as possible. Hurriedly throwing his suitcase open, Kylo grabbed his normal necessities (Money, ID, condoms just in case) and changed into a white shirt with a smiley face spray painted on to it.

 

Kylo paced down the long corridor, that had a flooring much like his room and turned a corner to hall were the lifts were. When he had pressed the button to the lift, he leaned against the wall opposite to the lift and waited. His foot was pressed against the wall and he was looking up at the ceiling, that had men who had lived hundreds and hundreds of years ago painted on it.

“Wouldn’t have my dirty shoe on a white wall if I were you.” A familiar voice on his left advised. Snapping his head in the direction of the voice, he was met with what he expected met, the sight of a lean man with fiery red hair.

 

Kylo noticed that Hux’s hair had grown longer than before, and that his signature slicked back style now was more of fluffy mess that he hadn't sported since he was much younger. Kylo wondered if it was intentional or not, since he clearly could remember Hux mentioning wanting to drop his ancient hairstyle and change it to a new one, that didn’t take forever for him to style in the morning. Maybe he had read one of those articles that advised changing your hairstyle was the best way to move on from a breakup, Kylo snorted aloud.

He cast a glance at Hux's neutral expression, but didn’t reply or react to his saying. Then turned his attention to the lift that had just made a ‘ding’ and started opening it's doors. He looked at Hux, not really asking his permission to leave, just letting him know that he was going to do so and stepped into the lift. He pressed the button to the foyer harshly and purposefully stood with his back towards the lift doors. He glanced up into the mirror opposite him to see Hux step into the lift beside him. He groaned loudly.

 

“Didn’t know this was a private lift.” Hux sniped.

“It’s not.” Kylo replied sharply and there was silence for a few moments before the lift began to move. Hux opened his mouth to say something and then stopped himself; Kylo noticed.

“What are you doing?” He asked impatiently.

“I’m going to get some food.” Hux replied.

Kylo tilted his head slightly giving him the dirtiest look he could muster.

“You should come and get something too, you haven't eaten since we left Spain.” Hux paused, “And if you're going out, best not to on an empty stomach.”

“Don’t mother me, I’m a grown man.” Kylo snapped.

Hux raised his arms in joking defence but neither of them were smiling, “I was just saying.”

“Well stop it, I can look after myself.” Kylo turned to look at the floors counting down, hardly catching Hux’s ‘Sure you can.’

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just that I’m sure you can look after yourself.”

“I’m not a baby, I think i’d know if I was hungry or not,” Kylo told him as the lift came to a stop, “And anyway, why would I want to eat with you?” He added rudely.

Hux gave him a disgusted look, “Have a good night Ren.” he said flatly, pushing past him and walking off in the opposite direction.

 

Kylo clenched his fists angrily. He stalked out the front doors, pushing through the doors and putting on his sunglasses with the other hand. A couple of photographers were outside but it was too late for it to be any more than there would be tomorrow morning. He got into one of the waiting taxis and asked the driver to take him to where he thought the best club was, the driver nodded and drove on. However, as they drove into town it seemed to get busier and busier and Kylo began to regret his decision.

The taxi driver pulled up outside a grand looking club, a line of people waiting to get inside. Kylo paid him, and walked towards the security. A couple of the people in the queue yelled his name. One of the bouncers gave him a look and the other motioned him right in. It was dark and the music was way too loud, just how Kylo liked it. He took off his sunglasses and immediately headed to the bar. He ordered a Jack Daniels and immediately headed to the dance floor. He danced with a few girls and one guy, a couple of them realised who he was but could only speak in very broken English, but drunkenly he took a photo with them anyway.

He wished he was back home with people he knew, they made drinking so much more fun. He wasn’t about to get piss drunk in a foreign country surrounded by people he didn’t know, contrary to popular belief. After a couple of hours, the jet-lag and hunger started to catch up with him and he decided it was time to leave and find something to eat.

 

Kylo immediately regretted the decision when he stepped outside. Someone had obviously tipped the press off as a group of paparazzi surrounded him.

“Hey Kylo, drinking again? You an alcoholic?”, “Where's the rest of the band?”, “How does Armitage feel about you going out every night?”.

 

God, Kylo was glad he hadn’t tried to leave with anyone that night. Still, he digressed, turning to smile at the press and sticking his middle finger up at them, and got into one of the waiting taxis. He tried to image what lovely headlines there’d be the next day.

The driver didn’t speak English so he tried to explain that he was looking for food but gave up and just gave him the address to drive him back to the hotel. It was about 2am Kylo noticed when quickly casting an eye on the dashboard. His stomach rumbled and he wished for a fraction of a second that he’d listened to Hux and gone to get food, but he quickly pushed the thought away.

When he reached the hotel he rushed in quickly, stifling a yawn. The hotel was quiet, a ghost town, as he took the lift back up to his room. He walked quickly down the corridors and pushed his key card in. After throwing his clothes off he crawled into bed and picked up the phone to order room service and asked for some food to be sent to his room. But by the time the food arrived at his room he was already fast asleep under the soft duvet.

 

 

He was rudely awakened to a vigorous knocking at the door and his phone ringing from inside his jean pocket wherever he’d thrown them.

 

“Kylo” he heard a voice yelling from the other side of the door. “Get your lazy ass off the bed and let me in.”

Kylo’s head was pounding and he felt as if he'd been run over by a truck, a feeling he had gotten quite used to. He sighed and pulled the heavy duvet off his body and dragged himself out of bed. Noticing the t-shirt he’d thrown off the previous night he quickly grabbed it and pulled it on. Kylo opened the hotel door whilst yawning, and as expected he was met with Kaplan, the band manager’s, face.

 

Kaplan didn't waste a second, and immediately trudged into Kylo’s room after the door was opened.

 

“You know, when you just started partying it annoyed me, but I was fine with it” Kaplan started as he made his way on to Kylo’s bed. Once he had sat down he continued, placing his hands between his legs but staring right at Kylo. “But I thought that ‘no, Kaplan don’t worry, the kid’s going through a break up, y’know? Let him live.’”

Kylo squinted at his manager’s loud harsh tone, but didn’t say anything. Both due his throbbing head ache, and because he knew that it only would make Kaplan angrier. Instead Kylo simply leaned against the wall and did his best to ignore him. His eyes trailing around the room, but not looking at the bed where his angry manager was perched.

“But then I was woken up by my phone ringing constantly for five minutes, when I finally decided to answer, what do they tell me? Apparently you got hammered at some shitty bar in Belgium the night previous and tried to start a fist fight with some guy?” Kaplan took a minute to breath since his face had turned red whilst he was yelling at Kylo. He eyed the room hastily and noticed the cigarette package laying on Kylo’s nightstand. “And now you apparently are a smoker too? What the fuck is going on with you, Kylo?”

Kylo, who had been staring at him with a staggered expression during Kaplan’s monologue, finally got some sense about the situation and stood up straight.

 

“First of fucking all, I didn’t start a fight. I simply flipped off some idiots because they were being rude and intrusive and should mind their own business” he snapped as he took a step closer to Kaplan who was sitting on the edge of Kylo’s bed. “And second of all, I don’t give a fuck if people dislike me for having some fun and partying once a while, it’s my fucking life. You were the one who always said I should play up the 'bad boy' image anyway. The only reason you’ve come up here is because you’re Hux’s friend, and you feel bad for him, like everyone else does, so don’t give me that ‘breakup’ shit, you’ve been going easy on him for months but you’re quick to jump on my back as soon as I do one thing wrong.”

 

Kaplan snickered. “Oh, excuse me. Did I upset Mr. Pop star?” he said, “I said to play up the image **not** try and sabotage yourself! And Kylo, sadly handling your life happens to be my career and I’m telling you right now, both as _your_ friend, stop the bullshit. I don’t give a fuck if you hit the guy or not, but what I know is that you are going to make an official statement about it and apologise for your actions, you hear me? And I’m not treating you and Hux differently, I think you’ll find it’s because you and Hux act like completely different people.”

 

Kylo glared at his tour manager, it wasn’t worth the argument. “Whatever” He said, then a pause. “You’re giving me a headache. Aren’t you supposed to be in London?” he then questions nonchalantly.

“Kylo I’m not going to sit in another fucking country just patiently hearing about you beating up people in Belgium, I took the first flight here this morning” Kaplan said.

“Mhm” Kylo mumbled. “What a waste of a plane ticket.”

The other man let out a deep sigh, and stood up. “Kylo, I don’t know exactly what is happening with you right now, but I’m guessing it has to do with Hux” He said. “Either way, you can’t let yours and Hux’s personal issues affect the whole band like this. Try to talk to someone instead of doing this.”

 

Kylo’s heart sped up and he looked at Kaplan with spite. He had been The Kights Of Ren’s manager for the past six years, and up until that moment Kylo had almost never been as angry at him.

“Everything is not about fucking Hux!” he shouted, fists clenched at his side, “Oh my god, I am my own fucking person and Hux doesn’t own me nor control me. These choices are made by me, and solely me.”

 

Walking over to corner where his suitcase had been thrown in to, he grabbed a pair of jogging pants.

“So?” He stared angrily at Kaplan. “Do you have anything else to fucking tell me I’m doing wrong? Because otherwise I would appreciate if you left my room.”

 

He pulled on his jogging pants and turned his body towards Kaplan with crossed arms.

“I guess I can’t get you to listen if you don’t want to” Kaplan sighed and proceeded towards the door. “Just know that someday this whole ‘I hate Hux’ phase is going to end. And you are going to look around you and wonder where all your friends, your entire past life, went. It’s not too late to turn it all back around.”

 

After Kaplan had closed the door carefully, Kylo threw himself face first down on his bed and groaned. Why did everything always have to be about fucking Hux? That was a closed chapter of his life and he preferred it remain that way.

 

His phone started to go off again and he reached over the bed to pick it up.

“What?” He answered without looking at the caller ID.

The perky voice of Phasma filled his ear, “Pack your shit, me and Mitaka want to go home early, plane is at two.” Kylo pulled the phone from his ear to look at the time, only 10:30.

“Ok.” Kylo mumbled.

“Good! Because we’re on our way to your room.” then she hung up.

He wouldn’t have enough time for a shower now. Wandering into the bathroom, he brushed his teeth quickly to get the gross alcohol taste out of his mouth. He stared a little to long and hard at his reflection in the mirror. God, he looks like a goddamn mess.

 

The door went then. He pulled it open without really looking at who was entering, unlocking his phone and scrolling through his twitter feed.

“Why’s there a tray of food on the floor outside?” Phasma asked, closing the door behind her after Mitaka had entered the room carrying a silver tray.

Kylo thought hard for a moment, “Oh, I ordered breakfast last night…” he said, “But I must have fallen asleep.”

"I’m sure that the hotel really appreciated that." Mitaka said, poking the neatly presented food with a fork.

“Yeah well…” Kylo mumbled into the brief silence.

 

“Hurry up, and get ready.” Phasma said, throwing some of his belongings into his open suitcase, “Security else is already downstairs and want us to leave before loads of paps show.”

“What about Hux?” Kylo asked, trying to sound casual.

“He got on a plane really early this morning to get the studio set up for when we get there.” Mitaka said, flopping himself onto the bed.

“Great.” He replied, “There goes my plan of getting new clothes.” Since he and Hux had split, he hadn’t returned to the flat they’d shared in London. Pretty much all of his things were still there, he’d only taken the basics after their final argument. Everything in his suitcase was all he had (aside from his apartment in LA) but he couldn’t bring himself to go back to their place, especially when Hux could possibly be there.

“You still living in hotel rooms?” Phasma asked, sounding a little worried for her band mate.

“I haven't found the right place yet.” He shrugged. Truthfully, he hadn’t really looked.

“Hux said he might sell your stuff on e-bay because he’s tired of looking at it, said some fangirls might appreciate it more.” Mitaka said. Phasma turned her head quickly to glare at him.

“What?” Kylo asked.

“He’s joking. Hux was joking.” Phasma told him calmly. “But really, you need to sort it out.”

Kylo stood up, pushing the things he hadn’t used back into his suitcase. He wanted to snap, tell them that he wants people would stop treating him like a child but Phasma would only chew him out.

He sighed deeply, "Come on then, I want to go home."

 

Phasma and Mitaka had to go back to their rooms to get their bags so Kylo headed down to the reception to check out. The other two didn't take very long and the rest of the crew were milling around waiting to go, equipment and instruments strewn everywhere. Kaplan walked over just as they were ready to head to the airport, "Thanks to your stunt last night you've got a few buddies outside with some cameras!" He said in a faux happy voice, "Keep your head down, all of you, stick to security and try not to flip anyone off. Got that?"

"Yes." Kylo replied, looking around for his bodyguard, Colin. It wasn’t that they didn’t get on, it was just they had nothing in common and every conversation was painfully awkward, also, when their label had hired the guy, Kylo made a strong case that he didn’t need a bodyguard. He wasn’t a weak guy, and if anyone came at him, he could easily fight them off. The label wasn’t convinced. The one time he’d actually held a conversation with the guy, he’d had to listen to Colin list his workout routine, which Kylo had not asked to hear, nor did he care.

 

When Kylo finally found Colin, a few feet to his left, he quickly made eye contact with him before they both nodded as if to say ‘I’ve got this’. Colin was tall, not quite as tall as Kylo but close. However, he was way bulkier than Kylo in the sense that he looked like he could stand through a hurricane. It was noticeable that he worked out, with his overly toned, thick muscles and visible veins. His dad was born in Italy, and had given him dark features and chiselled cheekbones. Colin constantly looked like he had just walked out from a Calvin Klein underwear shoot, and the band’s fans made no secret in that they all were thirsting for Colin. Kylo was sure that if it wasn’t for the fact that Colin was married with two kids, he would have his own groupies with him on tour.

 

A loud voice telling them to move is suddenly heard as they got pushed out of the hotel’s doors. Kylo could feel Colin’s steady presence behind him as he walked as fast as possible to the black Mercedes waiting for them. Kylo didn’t have much time to reflect on what was happening more than the pavement was wet before he was strapped into the back seat of the car. He looked out of the tinted windows and observed all of the intrusive men with cameras outside of the cars. Kylo wondered what kind of life they had, and if they had families to provide for and why they chose to do what they did.

 

Kylo decided to not think too much about it, and instead just slumped down in the leather seat and put his earbuds in and put his Spotify on shuffle. When the first note of the song started playing, Kylo was woken up from his quick relaxation. Kylo recognised the familiar tunes and tone changes of the song and felt a cut in his stomach from all of the memories replaying in his mind.

 

Kylo smiled at the irony of the name of the song - ‘You are all I have’. The first memory he had of the song was crystal clear in his head. It had been all the way back when they both were in in high school and just had started dating. The day had been cold and breezy, so Kylo and Hux were both wearing a ton of clothes to keep them warm in the January snow. They had both been sharing a bright orange mitten with green stripes that was ugly but made it possible for them to hold hands and keep their warmth so they didn’t mind. Kylo remembered that that was the January after Hux had been given an iPod touch by his parents, and that they had put the music player in the mitten so that it would be easier for them to share a pair of earbuds in between them. Being from the UK, Hux enjoyed sharing his music with Kylo and vice versa as they both listened to band’s that the other had never heard of before. The snow on the side of the shovelled road was glistening beneath the fluorescent gloom of the street lights, and Snow Patrol’s ‘You’re all that I have’ had been playing on the iPod. Kylo remembered that he had felt as if his life had been a romantic montage from a film that he never wanted to end. He kissed Hux, underneath that streetlight in the snow, his hair lit up so bright against the white background that he looked like an angel.

 

After that winter day, that song had become their song. It had been the song played at the party hosted in their joined flat when they celebrated five years together. And it had been the song they both had put on without thinking when they wanted some dinner music or were simply cuddling.

 

The memories following the song were bittersweet, and Kylo clenched his jaw in order to not make any hasty actions or show emotions. Instead he looked down on the plastic flooring and discretely paused the music, trying to not think of anything except the Belgian highway outside the car’s windows. Kylo let the familiar feeling of nothing swallow him as he monotonically stared at the naked bushes on the side of the road.

 

His emotional state lasted all the way until he was at home. Or at least the hotel he was staying at for the time. His usual hotel had been overbooked when he arrived there, leaving him to quickly having to find a new hotel. It had all ended in Kylo having to book a room at a hotel in Piccadilly he knew had a good reputation.

 

The room Kylo had been given was different to his old suite. The interior was white, except the desk and chair at the side of the bed. There wasn't anything exceptional to see in the room, which usually bored Kylo, but he couldn’t bring himself to truly care. Instead of inspecting the room further, he pulled the sheets out of the tight bedding, took off his shoes, and crawled down under the clean, white sheets. Taking his phone out of his pocket, Kylo opened the photos app and slowly started to scroll up. He didn’t stop until he reached the pictures taken November, the month he and Hux had broken up.

Kylo tapped on the last picture taken that month, a picture of his old hotel room, and began swiping right to get to the older pictures. After fifteen pictures of nonsense, he finally got to the last picture he ever took of him and Hux. A selfie of them trying to copy the faces of themselves terribly drawn characters to promote a competition for their fans, but failing horribly and laughing it off. Hux didn’t often let Kylo take photos of him, at least, not willingly. And it was even rarer to have a photo of Hux smiling, something he didn’t do often, even in private, but it made him look like a completely different person.

 

Kylo hadn’t looked at the pictures since he took them, and the empty feeling in his stomach got replaced by regret. Those selfies were only a few months old, but somehow everything in Kylo’s life had managed to change during those short months.

 

Kylo loathed the feeling of despair, he hated feeling sad and tears were his worst enemy. As he felt his vision getting blurrier and blurrier, he closed the app and opened his list of texts instead and saw that he had gotten four texts from people he knew in the area, asking if he wanted to go tonight. After texting all of them back asking if they don’t want to come to Kylo’s and watch a movie or something, he got two texts telling him they’re busy, one telling him to stop being such a wuss, and one of them didn't even reply.

 

He frowned and contemplated what he could do to take his mind off everything instead, because he saw no enjoyment in watching a movie alone. Eyeing his room impatiently, his gaze got stuck on his backpack he had brought with him on the plane. The first thing that caught his eye when opening the bag was a seemingly empty notebook. He picked it up and made an attempt at writing a song, but only managed to come up with two lines before he gave up.

Once again he picked up his phone. Opening Instagram, he saw that everyone on his feed was posting throwback Thursdays and thought of the months old pictures of him and Hux. What if he posted one of them, just to calm the fans down and show that he and Hux were fine. Because they were going to be fine, they had to be for the band. Opening his phone’s photo album he scrolled down to the pictures and chose one in which they both were laughing.

 

Kylo captioned the picture ‘#tbh’ and uploaded it. It didn’t take long before his notifications feed blew up with likes and confused comments. Everybody was asking him what the hell he meant and if he and Hux were back together. He closed the app again, sighing breathily through his nose he picked up his notebook again.

He grabbed his iPod from his jacket pocket, placing both earbuds in and clicked onto Spotify again and going to his unlisted playlists. He and Hux always used to make them for each other privately, whether it was a few songs one enjoyed that they wanted the other to hear or feelings portrayed in carefully picked melodies. He scrolled down and chose one from the previous year where the songs would be happy and carefree like they had been. Kylo began writing then, instead of song lyrics, which was Hux’s forte, he decided to write in more of a journal style, what his thoughts and feelings were at that very moment in time.

 

Each song held a different emotion, a different memory inside his mind. He thought back to when Hux tried to dye his hair pink and after Kylo had seen it they attempted, together, in Hux’s parents sink to dye his fringe red. They were going through their scene phase. When Fall Out Boy and Panic! at the disco were all that they would ever listen to. Kylo had ended up with colourful hair but they had also ended up in a lot of trouble for making it look like a dye bomb had gone off in the bathroom.

 

Kylo remembered the events as if they were from yesterday. Which was ironic since he usually had the knack of managing to repress most things, even if he had only done them the day before.

 

On the sheet of paper in front of him the song was slowly shaping up, and he had written an outline of the verse and come up with the bridge. As he carefully scribbled down the lyrics his hands itched for the piano. Writing songs, especially notes, was much easier when he had access to one, because it allowed him to really hear what the song was shaping up to be. Not just how it sounded in his head. Kylo’s thoughts wandered to the grand piano that was located in the living room of his and Hux’s apartment - or just Hux’s apartment nowadays.

 

When Kylo had been nineteen, he and the band had moved to London from their small town in Montana, due to Hux’s links with the music industry. It had been both his and Hux’s first apartment - both together and separately - and they were both ecstatic to be living without their parents. One evening they had gone to the flea market in Camden, and the first thing Kylo had laid his eyes on was an antique piano with unique dark wooden decor. He immediately decided that he was going to buy it.

The seller had explained to him that the piano was dated back to the 1800’s and that they believed that it originally had been owned by someone noble due to the house sign engraved on the side of it.

The piano had cost Kylo £4000, but he had just gotten his first salary from their label and had decided that it was an investment either way. He almost backed out (‘But Hux, i’m not even that good at Piano!’ ‘Yes you are Kylo shut up’) but Hux had then decided he wasn’t going to leave the shop until he brought the damned thing. He barely even noticed that his hands were playing out Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata, the first song he’d played at a concert, on it when it had arrived in their apartment. They barely even had any basic furniture but Kylo had sat and played, Hux sitting beside him, head resting on his shoulder just watching his hands move across the keys.

 

Kylo’s phone vibrating from somewhere nearby brought him out of his memory. He reached over to pick it up, unlocking his phone and realising it was a text from Phasma.

‘What is up with that #tbt on instagram? stop messing with your fans and stop messing with Hux’

Kylo looked up from his phone and stared at the white wall at the opposite of his bed. What was he trying to do? Once again his phone buzzed, not allowing him to process his thoughts further. When looking down at the glowing screen Kylo felt as if his heart had jumped out of his chest. It was from Hux.

 

‘????????????’

‘what the fuck are you doing’

 

Kylo’s phone buzzed again.

 

‘you fucking cheated on me Kylo you made it really clear that you didn’t love me anymore’

‘every time I finally think im getting over you, you pull some bullshit like this’

‘fuck you kylo leave me the hell alone’

 

Kylo paused a moment, waiting for the little dots of typing to come up again, but nothing happened.

 

If Kylo had felt his heart jumping out of his body at the sight of Hux’s name, the texts made it come back because the now fierce beat of his heart was overpowering everything else.

Images of Hux in bed with someone else or loving anyone else but him kept popping up before his eyes. Hux was his. Kylo was the one who knew every freckle on Hux’s pale skin, who had loved him since the beginning of Hux’s transfer to their High School. The mere thought of someone else touching Hux in the same way as him made his body tremble.

 

Kylo had wanted video games for Christmas and the latest phone for his birthday when he was 14. And for those things he had begged and begged until the day was due and his parents had gotten them for him. But never had his heart wanted, or begged for anything more than it wanted Hux.


	2. 2

Kylo’s head was pounding, and the cold air and loud noises of the city didn’t make his nausea get any better.

The night prior the guy's from other band's on their label had called him at 11pm and begged him to come join them at the club, upon hearing he was in London again. Normally he'd go out often with them when he was around, they were fun to hang out with. He had declined at first, seeing as he still felt hungover from the previous night and was working on a new song. But they had begged and called him over and over again. It was petty but they knew it would work. So Kylo had given in. Half an hour later he had arrived; he was so drunk by 4am that he barely remembered his name. 

He pressed the home button on his phone to check the time. Eleven sharp. The previous night after he came home there hadn’t been a cell in his brain thinking about setting an alarm for the next morning. Therefore, when he had woken up and checked the clock he cursed loudly and threw himself out of the bed as he tried to ignore the oncoming headache. The band had scheduled a studio session at ten that day, Phasma had called him the day before just to remind him of it.  

Kylo had messed up. Once again let his best friends down, if that was what they were anymore anyway. But even though he tried concentrating on coming up with possible excuses for being late, his thoughts kept wandering to Hux. It had been three weeks since they last talked, the night when Kylo had posted the instagram picture, and it was no surprise, really. Hux seemed like the only thing he was able to think of those days. All he was able to write about too.

 

Throwing on some clothes this morning he decided it would probably be quicker to walk to the studio than wait around for a taxi or a private car, so long as he didn’t get recognised. Making sure to grab his notebook on the way out, from where it sat, still open next to his laptop. Glad that he often wore all black, which helped him blend in with London’s bleak and busy streets he weaved his way through the groups. 

He reached a hand into his pocket, pulling out his cigarettes, sighing deeply when he realised they were empty. He stared down at the little box with death warnings printed on the sides, briskly walking over to the nearest trash can and throwing it inside with possibly too much force. The normal Kylo would have quickly stepped into one of the corner shops to buy more but today he shoved his hands deep in his pocket, kept his head down and walked.

 

Their studio was more of a converted loft apartment that was owned by one Hux’s friends that he had known from school, before he'd moved to the states. Due to being brought up in the music world the band tended to just rent out the studio and get on with what they wanted to do in private. It made Hux nervous when execs from the industry were in the studio with them, he preferred to write and mix himself, then present it to the record, where they could put their ideas in. Mostly, they were happy with what the band put together and allowed them free reign. Hux was untouchable when he was in front of the recording equipment, he knew exactly how he wanted something to sound, or exactly how a piece was going to come together about 5 steps before anyone else did. He often wrote so much that sometime's he'd finish a song and realise that it either didn't fit in with the band or that he didn't consider it good enough for their album. Sometimes, he kept these songs on a file to be forgotten about, but if they were too good to be forgotten the rest of the band often convinced him to sell them to their label, so that someone else could sing them. Sometimes this made them happy, as bands and artists from other labels got into the charts on Hux's songs, which didn't do much else aside from rubbing Hux's ego up some more. But sometimes it made Kylo happy too.

He could remember once two years ago, not long after their second album had come out, that Hux had written a song that was way too mainstream pop-y to be for them, but Hux couldn't figure out how to change the sound so he sold it on. It was forgotten about for a couple of months, until they were back on the road again, the radio was on. They were on their tour bus and they were listening to the charts, as they often did, especially if they knew they were likely to be on it, "Shh!!" Phasma had warned, "They're about to announce the top 3!"

_'And it's a new entry in at number 1, knocking the previous holders out of the spot they've been holding for three weeks now"_  Ben turned to look at the over three, they had been the number 1 spot these past three weeks with their second single off of their new album,  _'And here it is, number 2 is the Knights of Ren with, Foul Play, and in number 1 with his new entry is Poe Dameron, with Matter of fact."_

As the first few chords started playing, Phasma started howling with laughter, although she was the only one who seemed to find it funny.

"What is it?" Mitaka asked, "Whats going on?"

"Fucking Poe Dameron is whats going on," Hux seethed, "I cannot believe this."

“Poe- he’s” Phasma wheezed, “He singing Hux’s song-“ laughter, “I can’t-“

Hux huffed, crossing his arms across his chest. Kylo threw his arm over his boyfriend’s shoulders, pulling him into his chest, squeezing slightly, “It’s not your fault that you write amazing songs.”

Hux pushed his arm off, “I’ll have to talk to the lable about where my songs go. I bet he saw my name on it and decided to take it on our of spite.”

It was quite well known that the band didn’t get on very well with Poe, or anyone else over at Resistance Records. Resistance were proudly the most world’s most famous pop-star holding record company. Kylo’s mother, father and uncle had all signed with resistance, gaining fame for both themselves and the label all through the 60’s and 70’s. Leia Origana practically ran the label now, after the breakup of their band, Luke’s subsequent fall from fame, and Han’s small and short lived solo career, dragging Chewie down with him. Kylo had never wanted to be a part of the label, he’d always wanted to be a part of Sith. The record company that his grandfather, Anakin Skywalker, had set up. However, after his grandfather’s death, many horror stories about the label came out, that their staff were money laundering, their stars saw next to no money, harassment issues, drug abuse, the works. Leia had let the record label go, not wanting anything to do with it, to whomever wanted to carry it on. It had been bought by Snoke, who had re-branded to 'The First Order', and built it back up from the ground. From a young age Snoke knew that Kylo, or Ben, had wanted to be a part of what his grandfather had built.

To him, Anakin had made amazing music, he wasn’t interested in whatever pop crap his parents were working on. Anakin had a way of taking any instrument and making it sound like something completely different. However, Leia had never wanted Kylo to be caught up in the fast-moving world of music, the touring and long nights in the studio. Uncle Luke had taught him how to play piano from a young age, but that was all they had felt necessary. And when young Ben Solo had wanted to know more about what his parents did, they offered to send him to a music school, rather than teach him themselves. He knew his parents were busy, and that they were barely home, always on tour, he would see them play whenever they were playing locally, but more often than not, he was at home with a nanny, or a friend of the family. When he was very young, it was so cool to have famous, music making parents, but the novelty quickly wore off. He taught himself to play other instruments, how to read music, using anything at his disposal: usually thing’s based off of his grandfather’s sheet music. He would sneak into his parent’s home studio to create little tunes. Whenever he felt they were really good, he would save them for when his parents were finally home, ready to show them what he’d created. He remembered one particular time, he had written something he was so proud of, couldn't have been older than 10. It sounded just like something his grandfather would have written, when it had finished, the first thing out of Han Solo’s mouth was, “A bit out there, ain’t it kid? Sounds like that crap your dad used to make, Leia.” His mother had laughed in agreement. He hadn’t showed them anything he’d written after that.

 

He felt it was weird entering the studio by himself, normally the whole band arrived together. He jumped up the stairs and entered the main studio. Phasma, Mitaka and Hux were all there, sat around the soundboard talking. He quietly hoped they wouldn't notice him coming and awkwardly stood on the door way. He felt like he was intruding. Mitaka had noticed movement of the door and waved him in.

"You're late." Phasma said, twirling drumsticks in her hand, "We've started without you."

"Sorry, I woke up late," he replied, shrugging off his coat.

Hux awkwardly turned his back to Kylo, pretending the lights and buttons in front of him were much more important.

Kylo moved to sit on the sofa that look up empty space in the corner of the room. He stretched out over it, propping his feet up on the table in front of him. There was a small leather-bound book also on the table. Kylo hadn't seen it before and so picked it up with curious hands. It had a lock on it that meant Kylo couldn't open it to see what was inside. He held it up in his hands.

"Hey, what's this?" He asked.

Hux turned around to look at him, "It's my lyric book."

 

Kylo froze for a moment. This couldn't be Huxs lyric book. Kylo had bought him a small journal, leather bound with replaceable pages, when they first got the band together and he had always used it. Hux would always leave it lying around knowing that Kylo would pick it up and read what he had written. And then Kylo would always tell him what he thought about what he'd written. But this felt harsh, not just using a new book but putting a lock on it also. He stared at the book a little harder. He had pretended before that things weren't as bad as they seemed but this proved that Hux wasn't lying when he said that he didn't trust Kylo anymore.

"Oh." He found himself saying in a small, broken voice.

He gently placed the book back down and Hux dared to give him a look of pity. He felt numb.

 

Hux cringed slightly, turning in his chair to look back at the other two band members. Phasma’s eyes mirrored the awkwardness in the room, Mitaka just shrugged. Hux momentarily debated moving to pick up his lyric book from where it sat on the table but he didn’t. It had a lock on it, so Kylo couldn’t read it anyway, and it was highly unlikely that he would attempt to pry it open with him in the room. Plus, Hux didn’t want to bring any extra attention to it. He knew what the old lyric book had meant to Kylo, but since the breakup, he couldn’t even open the damn thing. Writing lyrics was at the centre of the band, it was horrible. He had to replace it, and when he did, he knew that the things he would be writing in it wouldn’t be suitable for Kylo Ren’s eyes. Nor would they be suitable for his ears once the music all came together. Hux momentarily thanked the heavens that both he and Ren could sing, he couldn’t imagine for a second Ren singing any of the things he’d written in that private little book.

 

The rest of the day went okay, although Hux didn't put out any lyrics, let alone pick the book up. Kylo didn't know if he was doing it for his sake. Hux seemed to know what he wanted the melodies to be like and Kylo was hardly needed, no vocals yet and Hux only wanted piano in a few songs, making Kylo hold weird percussion instruments to use instead. The whole thing was awkward and unlike what the band dynamic had been before and everything seemed to be thrown off.

 

At the end of the day they listened to the things they had recorded. It was alright. The melodies were far from dull and they sat around and altered it until everyone was happy with it. But the songs lacked the same feeling that they used to. The tension within the band was distinguishable in every note, and it worried them. There was tension in the very room.

Music was their careers, their lives. It was what they all knew and what they all wanted to do, it was what they had connected over in the first place. Their love for music was what had brought them together, and made them love each other. But now their love for each other was on the line and it affected their music.

 

Kylo thought that maybe, music was all they had in common. Maybe they had been too focused on their music to realise that they never really clicked, maybe their fall out was bound to happen. Because how do you know that you really love someone? You spend a decade loving a person, a decade of your bones aching at the thought of them. And then you spend an hour at a nightclub, with too loud music for your own taste and with people you’ve only met four times before whose only intentions are to get you smashed, and your lips are all of a sudden on someone else’s and you have a stranger’s hand on your ass.

 

And when that happens, do you really love the person that makes your bones ache and your stomach flutter? Or did you just fool yourself into thinking that you did.

 

He was sat in the back of the recording studio, as he had been for a while. No one was talking to him, unless to ask him to get up and record something. The feeling of the room was cagey and awkward. He knew, based on the many previous sessions they’d had in the recording studio, that his presence was not really needed. Usually, he’d hang around to make jokes, annoy everyone and to press his music genius upon whatever Hux was making everyone else do. However, it didn’t feel like that at all. Instead, he grabbed his stuff quietly, and went outside. He pulled a cigarette out of the plastic packet and lit it, slowly walking up and down the street outside, trying to decide whether to even bother going back in.

 

When rushing out of the hotel this morning, he hadn’t had a thought in his mind about bringing his warm, winter coat. And now that he was outside, hoping to see a cab he could catch, he was freezing. His toes were going numb and his hands were bright red. The only thing giving him warmth in any way was the burning cigarette between his lips.

 

Behind him, Kylo could hear a person exiting the door he’d just come out of. Suddenly he heard something shout ‘Hey’ at his left, making him turn around, seeing Phasma walking towards him.

 

“Hey” She repeated, as she reached him.

After their failed studio session, Phasma was on the list of people Kylo wasn’t in the mood to meet. Right after Hux, and on a shared place with Mitaka.

He took a drag and sighed. “Hey” he replied.

 

Phasma looked at him for long as she breathed heavily. She was waiting for Kylo to do or say something. Ask her why she had come running after him all of a sudden. But he didn’t ask, nor say something, because he wasn’t in the mood. Their friendship felt doomed, anyway. Both the other members of the band had always been closer to Hux than him, it felt like they tolerated him for Hux's sake most of the time. But they were good at what they did, so it didn't usually bother him.

 

After a few seconds, Phasma seemed to understand that Kylo wasn’t going to talk to her without her initiative. Frowning, she said “I think we should talk.”

“Mhm” Kylo answered. “About what?”

“You” she answered. “Hux.”

He took a deep drag and looked down at his feet, mumbling “There is nothing to fucking say about Hux.”

“I saw the way you looked at that new book of his, I know it hurt you that he replaced the book you gave him.”

“It’s nothing.”

 

Phasma sighed. “Kylo, your behaviour is affecting the entire band, and don’t come tell me it isn’t about Hux when everyone can see that it’s obviously about Hux.” She explained with a stern tone. Her lips were pressed together and her arm laid crossed over her chest.

“But it isn’t” He said, with a raised voice. “I started partying whilst me and Hux were together, I like it.  I used to smoke too- that’s not a new thing. And maybe our music has always been shit, and we were just too stupid to notice.”

Phasma’s brow knitted together, “Take that back you ass-hat. We make fucking amazing music.”

 

“Well then, what was that crap in there?” Kylo snorted, looking down at his hand, flicking cigarette ash onto the ground.

“That, my dear Kylo, was Hux trying to make music while his head and his heart are in the wrong place. Besides, you sat in the corner and stared at the ground pouting like a baby. If you had some creative in-put you should have said, he would have listened.” Phasma sounded really angry now, “You know he puts his life and soul into our music, I dare you to say to his face that you thought it was outright crap. The truth of the matter is that every time he asked for constructive criticism, you said nothing. We all know that you and Hux write the music together, you can pick up on things that the rest of us never could.”

 

“Well, if I actually knew what the lyrics to the song were, not just the melody…” he mumbled darkly.

“See! I said didn’t I! This is all because you’re mad that Hux has gotten a new lyric book.”

“I’m not mad!” Kylo growled.

“Yeah, sure looks like it,” Phasma sniffed, “You really need to get yourself together Kylo.”

“I’m sick of people telling me that.” he threw his cigarette stub on the ground, stepping on it angrily.

 

Phasma opened her mouth, probably to chew him out again, but then Kylo’s phone started ringing. He didn’t check the caller I.D but he wanted this conversation to be over so he swiped across and answered.

“Yeah?”

“Kylo, my dear boy.” the voice of Mr. Snoke answered his blunt opening, and Kylo sort of regretted answering the phone. Snoke was head of a record company and subsequent music magazine called The First Order, jumping off of Anakin Skywalker's failed label 'Sith'. He’d been after Kylo and the band on his label for a long time, since he was a teenager. As much as Kylo had wanted to continue his grandfather's legacy, his creation, they didn’t sign because Hux didn’t like how much authoritative power he’d have over the band if they signed with him. Hux had talked Kylo into signing with Starkiller instead, a smaller label, with less resources, but their name had made them big. But Kylo knew that Snoke kept tabs on them, as he called Kylo every so often to reiterate his offer, mainly when something went wrong in the band.

“I was just calling as I heard you are in London, as am I!”

Kylo huffed, looking up to notice Phasma had gone, no help for him there.

“Yeah, we’re um- we’re working on the new album” he paused, “Well, Hux is anyway.”

“Well then, sounds like you have plenty of time to meet me for Lunch, I haven’t seen you since last award season.” Snoke’s tone of voice never left room for disagreement.

Kylo winced, there’s no way he could work his way out of this one. He cursed himself again for answering the phone. He knew that it was important to keep men like Snoke pleased, lest their own record kick them out. Not to mention Snoke ran a magazine with a massive following, being on Snoke’s side meant that their press in said magazine was usually positive.

“Sure.” Kylo shrugged, moving along the pavement, back in the direction of his hotel, “Where?”

“I’ll have my PA text you the address. Let’s say 1pm tomorrow?”

“That sounds fine,”

“See you then.” And the line went dead.

Kylo removed the phone from his ear slowly. Ugh, why had he agreed to a meeting with Snoke alone, at least normally the rest of the band was there. Or at least Hux. He knew that the band had booked the recording studio again tomorrow afternoon and evening, but it wouldn’t matter if he was a little late, especially not if he was only tapping two pieces of wood together again.

 

 

 

Phasma pushed the door back into the recording room, looking slightly more annoyed than when she had left.

“I’m assuming that went well then,” Mitaka smirked from where he sat in front of the mixing deck. Phasma came to stand next to him, looking through the glass to where Hux sat, picking at his guitar.

“He wouldn’t listen to me, and then answered the phone in the middle of the conversation.” Phasma steamed.

“You say that like its not typical Kylo REN behaviour,” Mitaka snorted.

“It might be for you, but not for me. He normally knows that when I tell him his shit is wrong: I mean it.”

“Well I don’t think his shit has been /right/ in a long time.”

Phasma sighed, “Yeah, me neither” she mumbled.

 

They sat in relative silence after, Phasma picked up the discarded headphones on the side and put them on, listening to Hux quietly play through various chords and melody’s. Pausing to let his band mates tell him to record parts again or move on.

It was a little later by the time Hux exited the booth, setting his guitar down and turning to Phasma and Mitaka.

They both gave him the same expression, as they had been for weeks, unsure how to act around him. It wasn’t particularly usual for him to be quiet and reserved, not around people he knew. He was quick to voice his opinions, and was known widely for his sharp thoughts and even sharper tongue.

 

He glared back at the two, suddenly on the defensive, Ren obviously hadn’t returned after his smoke break. Hux was glad, he didn’t really need any piano pieces yet anyway. And it meant that he could start on his lyrics, privately.

Phasma wasn’t normally one to protect his feelings anyway, “Ren got a phone call outside and fucked off.”

“Great,” Hux replied, “I didn’t ask.”

“Just thought I’d let you know, in case you’re worried about him walking back though the door”

“I’m not worried about him doing anything.”

“Bullshit” he heard Mitaka mutter to Phasma.

He ignored them both, moving towards the table to pick up his notebook. He thumbed the lock, putting the code in to open it up.

“Come on then,” Phasma moves to sit on the couch in the back of the room, “lets hear whatever angry crap you’ve written.”

“I don’t write angry songs, that’s Ren’s forté.”

“Alright, whatever sad crap you have then.”

He didn’t dispute this time, “I’m not going to read it out like some prose. You’ll have to wait till I’m in the booth.”

“At this rate, with Kylo around, you’ll never get them out.” Mitaka pointed out.

“I’m not doing it for his benefit.” Hux growled, throwing himself down on the couch next to Phasma, “I just don’t think they’re ready yet.”

“Well we don’t have this studio booked for half as long as we did last album, so you’d better get to work.” She leant over his shoulder to look down at his messy scrawl on the paper, “Ren is only pissy that you’ve changed your notebook anyway.”

Hux pulled the book closer to himself, “Well I couldn’t rightly let him pick it up and look in it. This is basically my diary”.

“I highly doubt Ren would be looking through your notebook Hux,” Mitaka said, “He might be an idiot most of the time but he knows what that little book means to you, and that you’d kill him for touching it.”

Hux sighed deeply, “I guess. Too late now anyway, our album is already in this book, I’m not going to transfer all this into my old book just because /he/ is a little upset.” He closed the book with a loud ‘thwip’ and threw it back down on the table.

“Alright, alright, I was just saying.” Phasma muttered, moving away, “It’s getting late anyway, and this session has gone absolutely nowhere, can we go?”

Hux looked up to Phasma’s pouting face, he knew she wouldn’t be mad if he said no, but that she was mainly doing this for his own benefit. She was right anyway, this session was going nowhere, it was awkward with Ren in the room, even when trying to be professional, and knowing that it was Ren who was in the wrong, he couldn’t look him in the eye. In fact, he could barely look in his direction without feeling slightly physically ill. On the other hand, now that Ren had seemingly left them to it, he couldn’t write properly without all the band in the room. He felt dreadful, even though he knew he shouldn’t. Ren had looked so calm all day, quietly doing whatever he’d been asked to do. Hux suddenly felt irrationally angry, it should be Kylo who was in his position, not himself. He let out a long breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding.

“Yeah, let’s get out of here,” The other two looked slightly relieved, “but to make up for it, we’re coming in early tomorrow.”

 

They all put their stuff away, walking out the studio together, slowly turning off all the equipment. Then leaving, and walking back to their apartments through the cold. While Phasma only lived a 5 minute walk away from Hux, and Mitaka about 10 minutes, Hux invited them up to his, to get out of the cold.

"The studio is throwing a party this weekend," Mitaka said, when they walked into Hux's building, "I think we should go...you know....mingle."

"Mingle? When have we ever mingled?" Hux asked.

"What Mitaka means to say, is that Unamo called to tell us that we need to be more 'out there' in the industry. Everyone think's we're stuck up, she said, and I quote: 'You dickheads are so bad for image, I don't even know why you're so popular.'"

"Lovely." Hux sniffed, Unamo was their PR and image specialist, not that the band really did anything she wanted them to. They liked doing things their own way. 

 

"Hux, uh, have you been sleeping on the couch again?" Mitaka moved a blanket out the way, throwing it over the back of the sofa, righting the pillows, that had obviously been used as a head rest. He took a seat, purched on the edge of the seat that Hux had obviously been using as a bed.

"I can't sleep in that bed-" he mumbled "I- nevermind it's stupid."

"You really need to sell this place," Phasma said, kicking a box with her foot, she knew it was full of Ren's stuff, she'd help to pack it all away.

"But what about all his stuff? I can't move with it, and it's not my responsibility to put it in storage."

"Well if he hasn't come for it now, then it can't be that important. Take it to a charity shop, offer it as extra to whoever moves in, or better yet put it on ebay, i'm sure you could make enough money out of that alone to enter an early retirement." Phasma shrugged. 

Hux just hummed, sitting down next to Mitaka, hands clenched at the end of his knees. 

"Sorry we keep bringing it all up..." Mitaka said, placing a hand on his friends shoulder. 

"It's okay, I'm fine." and he was willing himself to believe it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just for reference: I think of Han, Leia, and Luke (and Chewie is 100% in the band too) as a kind of "Fleetwood Mac" of this AU and Anakin is the "Pink Floyd" -Just vibe's/musically, not literally. 
> 
> Hope you liked :)   
> Next chapter will be a bigger focus on exactly what went down.
> 
> ps. I would love a beta for this? It takes me so long to write that it's so tedious to re-read, and I'd just generally like someone else's opinion on it all.. message me if you're interested: http://whitewolfbbbarnes.tumblr.com/ask


	3. 3

Kylo bitterly regretted his decision to meet with Snoke . He woke up around 9, which was mostly because he was anxious about his lunch meeting. He decided to go down to the hotel gym and work out for a while to try and get rid of some of his restless energy, seeing he wasn’t going to be able to fall back to sleep like he usually did.

He should have just said no to the old man, but Kylo had known him since he was a child, and for some reason he was one of the only people Kylo had never known how to say no to. He always thought that it was a childhood issue that he’d never grown out of, most things in his life were. The man was particularly scary, tall and looming, and with a grizzly, ugly scar across the front of his face, apparently from a car accident when he was younger. Also, Kylo knew he was a powerful figure in the music industry, a man that you did not want to be on the wrong side of. Not that Hux seemed to share his issues.

The day that Snoke’s contract had been slapped down in front of them, and Hux read through the whole thing page by page like some kind of maniac, despite constant reminders of  _ we have lawyers for that Hux,  _ Hux tried to make the rest of the band see that no matter how big a label such as First Order was, Snoke wouldn’t give them any creative freedom, which was one of the only things Hux valued. He would not stand for other people telling him what to do. Not in the same way as Kylo, who didn’t like people forcing him to do things, but  understood that in the industry, once you were signed, you had to listen to what the execs wanted or there’d be no way that anyone would hear their music. 

  


Hux had made them decline Snoke’s offer, but then he’d reached out to Kylo separately. He knew that Kylo wanted to make music like his grandfather, not like his parents. He knew that Kylo wished that he could have been on what was essentially the same record label as Anakin Vader. He’d told him that if he ever wanted to be ‘a part of his grandfather’s legacy’ then there  would always be a place for him at First Order. If anything Kylo had always found it weird, but when times were hard, it was something he often thought about. His grandfather’s legacy had never been more important than the band, or Hux....till now. 

By the time he was finished in the gym, he was more ready to go back to bed than to go for  lunch. He hopped in the shower, then toweled his hair off, shoving it up into a messy half bun to keep it out of his face. He dug through his suitcase to try to find something semi-presentable. He had some jeans that didn't have holes in them, and a plain white t-shirt. Smart enough for a casual business meeting, he decided. Better than half the stuff he had laying around. And cleaner. 

  


When Kylo checked his phone next, there was a message waiting for him from an unknown number. By the content of the message, he figured it must be one of Snokes drivers, letting him know that they were waiting outside. As if Kylo didn't have two working legs and a Oyster card. 

  


After picking up all of his necessary belongings, he took the lift to the lobby of the hotel walking out and sitting in the car that had been waiting for him.

  


The driver was quiet the entire drive, which was something that Kylo could appreciate. However,

he still had a lot of nervous energy, tapping his hands on his legs and continuously checking his

phone, even though he knew he wouldn't have any new messages. The driver kept sneaking

glances at him like he thought Kylo might be crazy but said nothing.

  


By the time Kylo got to the restaurant his palms were pretty sweaty, and he bitterly regretted his decision on agreeing to this meeting. However, it was too late now to back out. He mumbled a thanks to the driver and ducked out of the car, crossing the pavement and jumping up the steps to the place Snoke had chosen to meet. 

  


The place was high class, with ornately tiled floors, marble and stone details and a high ceiling, probably a converted bank. He was woefully underdressed. The server looked him up and down, probably wondering if he was going to ask if he could use their toilet quickly. However, he tried for a small smile, which he felt tug at the corner of his mouth. 

  


“I’m supposed to be meeting Mr. Snoke here?” he told her. 

  


She looked at him again, then turned on her heel, “Follow me.” and lead him through the restaurant. It wasn’t very busy for a lunch period, just a few people dotted here and there. Snoke was tucked right in the back corner, looking like he belonged in this fancy place, a tea cup in front of him. 

  


Snoke stood up, arms splayed wide, “Kylo Ren, my boy.” He brought his hand down heavily on Kylo’s shoulder, pulling him forward a little more, “Sit down, sit!”

He sat down across from Snoke, trying to put on an outward face that didn’t look awkward. 

  


“Would you like anything to drink?” The server asked, looking between the two of them.

  


Before Kylo could open his mouth, Snoke answered for the both of them, “We’ll take two glasses of the 2009 Rutini.” and waved her off. 

  


“Thank you for agreeing to meet with me. I tried to organise a meeting with you before you went on tour, but when I rang through your manager said your schedule was too busy.” He then proceeded to look at Kylo like it was his own fault that Snoke hadn’t been able to schedule a meeting. 

  


“Sorry about that, I will let Thanisson know next time, to ensure that he knows you should always be penciled in.” Kylo tried to look sheepish. Snoke looked at him for another couple of seconds before his expression morphed into something more open. 

  


“Yeah,” Kylo shrugged, “We were really busy before tour, and management was probably more worried about damage control than scheduling meetings for us.”

Snoke made a noise of agreement, “I understand. But it was rather irritating, I was working closely with some people who I thought would have been great for you to meet. Unfortunately they’ve moved on with their project now. But it is of no matter.”

  


Kylo didn’t really know what to say. This was already more awkward than he had imagined it would be. Thankfully the server returned with the wine that Snoke had ordered and it brought the conversation to a reset. 

  


“I hear that you’re working on some new music.” Snoke said, as the server left their table again, “How is that going?”

  


“Yes, we are.” Kylo nodded, “It’s only been a couple of days in the studio, so we don’t have much down. We don’t have too much material at the moment either, we’ve been busy with tour and stuff.”

  


“Ah.” Snoke watched him almost critically, “I heard from someone at Starkiller that Hux had a whole album written already.”

  


Kylo opened his mouth but again didn’t know what to say. But Snoke kept talking anyway, seemingly unaware that Kylo could barely follow the conversation as it was. 

  


“Starkiller is also a close friend of First Order you know? I almost help set them up. They tell me everything. Someone told me that he’d spoken to your band mates and they were happy to tell him all about how they had an album written. Apparently you weren’t there, which I thought was weird as you are an integral part of the band! Very odd.”

  


“Uh, yes,” Kylo chuckled awkwardly, “Very odd.” 

  


“And then! I heard from someone at Empire that Hux was organising meetings with their A&R managers. Which I thought was odd because you haven’t been with Starkiller very long and so I asked around and apparently he’s been meeting with resistance A&R managers as well! I should hope that you’re not all looking to move labels already, as it wouldn’t look good if you more around so quickly. I could always look into it for you, but err on the side of caution as if the media catch wind, it could damage the band reputation.”

  


Kylo sat trying to digest all the information. Hux had been meeting with label scouters? But why? When they had signed with Starkiller they had turned down Snoke’s offer. Snoke would be more offended than he was the first time if they changed labels again so quickly after signing with Starkiller. They’d only been with them a couple of years. They only had two albums. There was nothing wrong with anything at Starkiller too, and it wouldn’t only damage the band’s own reputation but it could damage Starkiller’s too, especially if the media caught wind. Hux hadn’t mentioned anything to him either. This was the kind of thing that no matter how awkward it was between them, he would certainly have to talk to Kylo about. He was still 1/4th of the band and that couldn’t be forgotten or overlooked, even if Hux might want it. 

  


Snoke must have seen the myriad of emotions that crossed his face, “Did Hux not tell you? Well I suppose not, he does seem to make all big decisions for the band without consideration for the other members.”

  


He knew exactly to what Snoke was referring. 

  


_ Kylo had the feeling that someone was watching him. It was a feeling he often had while out in public, having a famous face did that to you. This was  **different** , the watching felt  **different** , malicious. It was something he had been feeling for the past few weeks, and he couldn’t tell if he was being paranoid or not. He turned his head to look over his shoulder, but nothing looked out of the ordinary, just other people going about their own business, no one was paying him any attention at all. None the less, he kept his head down and started walking faster. He turned up the street to his and Hux’s apartment and sped the rest of the way, possibly closing the door behind him with more force than necessary. He peeked through the look out hole, put no one walked past the house at all.  _

_   
_

_ “Kylo? Is that you?” Hux’s voice called from somewhere in the flat, making Kylo flinch as if he was caught doing something he shouldn’t be. _

_   
_

_ “Yeah” he called back, moving away from the door, the idea of someone following him seemed stupid now.  _

_   
_

_ Hux’s head appeared around the door frame, “There you are, I’ve been looking through documents all day, I was just about to call you.” and he moved away again, waiting for Kylo to follow. After removing his shoes and jacket he followed through the kitchen and the dining table where Hux had piles and piles of bound papers with sticky notes sticking out at random places, a pen and highlighter sitting next to him.  _

_   
_

_ “So?” Kylo prompted, leaning against the table with his hip. It had been two days since Snoke had sent through his contract proposal, and the rest of the band were ready to sign as it was. They had been offered a tour of the facilities that Snoke had to offer, and he had introduced them to some of the artists that were already a part of the label, who had all told them they were excited to be fellow label mates. However, Hux didn’t seem too sure. And when Snoke had offered him a pen, Hux had refused, asking for some time to think about it and some time to read their contract through. Snoke had insisted that their current managers had looked through the papers already but Hux wouldn’t take no for an answer. The band stood by awkwardly while Snoke seemed to try to coral Hux into signing.  _

_   
_

_ “So,” he watched the man sitting before him take a deep breath, “We are going to say no.” _

_   
_

_ Kylo tried not to look shocked. This was the first legitimate label offer that they had gotten since the band started and Hux wanted to turn it down. This was a once in a lifetime offer. And Hux knew how much being a part of his grandfather’s musical world meant to him.  _

_   
_

_ “What do you mean no? This is an amazing offer? It would actually put us on the radar!”  _

_ “Look, I’ve sat here all day reading between the lines, and while all of you were blown away by his big speeches and his tour round their fancy facilities yesterday, this contract is a load of crap. Essentially, as soon as we signed on the dotted line, all of our creative freedom goes up in smoke and we do what the board wants us to do and nothing else. You know that’s not what this band is about and I would never make music again for as long as I live if someone else had to tell me exactly me what to sing and when to sing it.”  _

_   
_

_ “But, obviously these people know what they are doing or else people wouldn't join them. Everyone who signs with them almost becomes famous overnight!” Kylo moved closer to his boyfriend, pulling a chair closer so they were sitting next to each other, looking over all the papers spread across the wood, flicking through a few pages Kylo could see were Hux had highlighted specific parts that were important, and there were quite a few.  _

_   
_

_ Hux put his hand out, covering Kylo’s with his own to get him to stop looking at the paper and to look at him instead, “I know. But it wouldn’t be authentically us, and I can’t do that Kylo. I would hate it, and I know that deep down the rest of the team would too. I know how much you want to join this record, but there will be other offers. In fact, I was reached out to a couple of days ago by Starkiller.” _

_   
_

_ “Can’t we just sign with them until something better comes along? Use it as a starting off point, to get our first album in the charts?” he asked, trying to get Hux to see the other side of the coin was very difficult, and always had been. When he made a decision, that was final, “I really would like to be a part of First order, a part of the legacy his grandfather had left behind. _

_   
_

_ “Kylo, did you not see how Snoke was trying to force us to sign these papers in that meeting? There’s obviously something else going on here, if you all hadn’t had been there, eager to sign, I doubt he would have ever let me take these home,” he gestured widely to the table, resting his head on his hand, tilting his head to look up at Kylo, “I don’t like Snoke. I don’t trust him.” _

_   
_

_ “So you won’t sign because you have a grudge on a guy you barely even know?”  _

_   
_

_ “No Kylo, I won’t sign because I will not let a man like Snoke have control of my entire career. Especially not from the start.” He said shortly, “And anyway, i’ve already called Snoke and told him no and I’ve arranged a meeting with Starkiller in the morning.” _

_   
_

_ “You did what!” Kylo jumped up out of the chair, “You called Snoke and told him no to his face? Are you crazy! You didn’t even talk to any of us!” _

_   
_

_ “Kylo, calm down. If you were thinking straight you’d see that this is the right choice for the band.” Hux told him, exasperated.  _

_   
_

_ If there was one thing that Kylo hated more than anything it was being told to calm down. He was also still on edge from the walk home. And now he was angry at Hux too. He turned around, pacing up and down the room trying to take some deep breaths. He raised his arms, putting both hands on his head and lacing them, closing his eyes. After a few deep breaths he heard shuffling and then a pair of arms wrapped themselves round his middle, Hux pulling himself flush against Kylo’s back. Kylo lowered his arms, touching Hux’s hands gently as almost all of the tension left his body. He turned round to face his boyfriend.  _

_   
_

_ Hux’s eyes looked apologetic, “I’m sorry if you feel like i’ve gone over your head with this, but you know that I wouldn’t have done it if I wasn’t 100% sure it was the right thing for us. You know how important this is.” _

_   
_

_ Kylo nodded, letting out a sigh, “I know.” _

_   
_

_ Hux tried for a small smile, “It’ll be okay. You’ll see.” he pressed his lips to Kylo’s gently.  _

_   
_

_ Kylo released him after, “I love you.” Hux told him.  _

_   
_

_ “I love you too.” _

_   
_

“That was the right decision for the band then.” Kylo told Snoke, hoping that his voice sounded as confident as he thought it did.

_   
_

“Yes.  _ Then _ ” Snoke replied, “No one knew who you were then.”

_   
_

Kylo tried not to take offense, he knew that Snoke probably did not mean it in a rude way. At this point, a different server arrived with lunch food which Snoke proceeded to eat while Kylo picked up a fork and poked around at it, trying not to seem ungrateful. Snoke proceeded to talk about some of the new music he had signed over the past few months, the new equipment and that he was building a new state of the art private studio, here in london. 

_   
_

“I would love for you to come and look around.” Snoke told him.

_   
_

“I would love to, if you talk to Thanisson, he could schedule a time when the band is all availab-”

_   
_

“No, not all of you.” Snoke said, “Just you. I’d love for you view and input on it all. I wouldn’t want your ideas to be changed by other people’s comments. A fresh perspective if you will.”

_   
_

“Oh.” Kylo didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t really turn the man’s offer down to his face. Not when he’d practically just said he would be eager to do it with the rest of the band.

_   
_

“Still, it would probably be better for me to contact your manager, you’re right, busy with recording and all of that.” Snoke nodded.

_   
_

“Yes of course.” 

_   
_

Next, Snoke’s phone began to ring, he watched the elder man pull the phone from his pocket, “I should really take this.” he told him, standing up and moving away from the table for some privacy.

_   
_

Kylo took this as an opportunity to shove his plate away and slump a little in his chair. He pulled his own phone out of his pocket. He had a message from Phasma.

_   
_

_ 14.16: We’re heading back into the booth this afternoon. Are you coming? _

_   
_

_ 14.34:  _ **_Yes_ **

_   
_

Almost straight away the replying dots appeared, she must have had her phone in her hand.

_   
_

14.34: Are you coming to the label party this weekend? We need to RSVP even though it’s our own damn party.

_   
_

14.35:  **There’s a party this weekend?**

_   
_

14.36: Yeah, one of those ‘mingling’ things, I think they’ve invited some from Empire, Republic and First order and a few others.

_   
_

14.36:  **Are you all going?**

_   
_

14.36: Yes. All of us. 

_   
_

He locked the screen again, glancing over at Snoke who was still on the phone, back turned to Kylo. It would be a good opportunity to talk to some others from different labels, maybe see if he could find out more about what Snoke had just told him. However, events like this meant press and a whole lot of people who were definitely more interested in his personal life than they were in the music. However, if the rest of the band went without him there would be questions on why he didn’t show, especially from management. It wouldn’t be the first time Kylo would be told off for bad publicity, he was pretty damn well known for it. Nonetheless, best not to risk it.

14.40:  **Ok**

_   
_

14.41: Ok you’re coming or ‘ok’?

_   
_

14.42:  **I’ll come.**

_   
_

14.43: I’ll let them know. See you in a bit.

_   
_

Snoke made his way back over to the table at this point, “Sorry, but I have to go, problems at the Order.”

_   
_

“No problem.”

_   
_

“I’ll make sure you hear from me in the next few days, about the studio.” He said, placing a heavy hand on Kylo’s shoulder, “It is good to see you.”

_   
_

“You too. Thank you.” Kylo stood up, causing Snoke to move out of his personal space as they both walked out of the restaurant. 

_   
_

“Don’t mention it, my boy.” Snoke crossed the pavement outside to get into another black car, “Do you need a lift back somewhere?” he asked, “I can call another car for you.”

_   
_

“No, it’s fine, thank you though.” He’d prefer to walk to have a cigarette and full absorb the last hour and a half properly, especially before he got back into another enclosed space full of tension.

_   
_

“I’ll be in contact!” Snoke reaffirmed before swinging into the car and closing the door firmly. Kylo stood and watched as the car pulled away.

_   
_

He felt very unusual, not how he normally did after having a meeting with someone. He started to walk down the street towards the studio. While lighting up, he felt the feeling someone was watching him, as he usually did now days. His heart sped up. The last time he’d had the feeling, something harrowing occured.

_   
_

He doubled his pace, keeping his head down, trying to focus on getting to the studio. A few streets down he was sure that he was just being paranoid again. He thought too soon, turning another corner an arm grabbed him, pulling him roughly into a small alleyway. Kylo stumbled, dropping his cigarette as he was shoved against a wall. He tried to push back but another set of arms pushed his shoulders back.

_   
_

Focusing on the situation, anxiety welled in his chest and throat. As he took in the black masks of the two people in front of him.

_   
_

“Miss us?” One of them laughed mockingly, male. “It’s been a little while, but we just wanted to check in and remind you not to do anything stupid.”

_   
_

“I already did everything you asked me to! Why are you still following me?” Kylo asked, shaken.

_   
_

“You’re naive if you think our boss was going to leave you alone because you ‘did everything we asked’.” the other let out a bark of laughter, female. “If anything you owe us more now.”

_   
_

“This is fucked up. I should go to the authorities.” Kylo growled, stepping forward. Neither of them moved.

_   
_

“Ah, ah, ah! You know what happens if anyone finds out anything about this.” The masked woman pulled out a phone from her pocket, clicking a few times before turning the screen to Kylo so he could see what was there. More screenshots of private conversations it seemed. 

_   
_

“Phone hacking is illegal you know.” Kylo snarled.

_   
_

“Oh we know. Which is why we have these and no one else does, because no one else has the guts. Still you wouldn’t want these getting out would you? No one would know it was us anyway.” The guy said, seeming blasé about the whole thing.

_   
_

“I haven’t done anything apart from what you said to do. You should know, you’re the ones fucking stalking me.” Kylo seethed, “Can I go now? Tell your boss to leave me alone and to stop stalking me. I don’t even know why you’re still collecting blackmail.”

_   
_

“Because it reminds you to keep your mouth shut.” The girl told him, Kylo couldn’t see her face behind the mask, but he knew she was probably grinning. He made to move towards her but the masked guy grabbed his arm, twisting it behind his back.

_   
_

“Behave.” He said, then turned Kylo forcefully, pushing him back towards the street, “Of you go now, glad we could have this lovely chat.”

_   
_

“Fuck you.” Kylo was livid, “Leave me the  _ fuck _ alone. Haven’t you done enough?”

_   
_

“Goodbye, Kylo Ren.” the girl raised her hand, waving at him slowly.

_   
_

Kylo turned around, furious, quick marching down the street again and then breaking into a run to put as much distance between them and him as he could. The feeling of being watched was gone but he felt sick to his stomach now. He thought he’d seen the last of the masked freaks, but apparently not. He couldn’t go to the studio now in this state. He needed a drink, or 10.

Immediately. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I was on holiday for two weeks in April, then its Exam/Deadline season in May/June and then the other day I started writing something completely different for no reason, such is life.
> 
> also this chapter is 10 pages in my docs but it looks so small !!!!! idk 
> 
> shoutout to my beta too for checking up on me because it gives me the push to keep writing 
> 
> find me on tumblr under the same username :)

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written fanfiction in a vERY long time but recently i've had this AU in my mind and its a good distraction from life and uni work haha 
> 
> feel free to comment or whatever it is people do here !  
> thank u  
> 


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